We often forget a simple but essential truth: the most important person in a conversation is not ourselves. It’s the other person.

When we focus only on ourselves—our stories, our opinions, our experiences—we risk losing the interest of the very person we’re trying to connect with. After all, why would anyone stay engaged in a conversation where only one person seems to matter—and it’s not them?

This is why many people struggle to build strong friendships, close deals, or even maintain engaging social interactions. The root cause? An inability to truly engage the other person. And that often comes from a common human trait: we all like to talk about ourselves. We enjoy hearing our names, being acknowledged, and feeling important. There’s nothing wrong with that—it’s natural. But problems arise when we forget that the other person feels the same way.

Think about your recent conversations. After the usual “hello” and “how are you,” how often did you shift the focus entirely to yourself? If your dialogue is filled with “I,” “me,” and “myself,” you’re likely pushing the other person away. Speaking more than 40% of the time means you’re dominating the conversation. Go over 50%, and the other person probably feels ignored. Push it further, and it starts to feel one-sided—even arrogant.

So, how do we fix this?One of the most effective lessons I’ve learned through life coaching—after earning my certification and having numerous sessions with coachee is this: ask more questions and keep your responses short and focused. Avoid lengthy monologues. Instead, aim for concise statements and curious questions. You can still share stories, but let them be brief and relevant. Use them to spark interest, not to hijack the conversation.

Here’s the key: let the other person do more of the talking. Invite them to open up, to elaborate. You may occasionally find their stories long or dull, but that’s the perfect moment to reflect: how might others feel when you go on too long?

For your next conversation, remember this simple shift: make the other person feel like the most important person amongst you. Ask more. Talk less. And watch the magic unfold.